Lovers

How can anything be so blatantly rogue?

As the mind passes through the territories of an unknown realm, the lover started singing. Her song echoed over the mountains where the birds of omens nested. They heard it and flew along with the vibrations of the air that disparaged the ignominiously perched stone heart of the Other. For the song wanted to reach an ear, it had searched for a long time.

As the heavens started pouring, the lightning and thunder intensified the mellifluous vibrations. The droplets stuck on the green leaves cast the reflection of the Other, a lover whose senses heightened due to a reason unknown to him. His skin had a tingling sensation and his heart produced a longing to find the source of the song that echoed all over. Love was in the air. It energized him. He started running as fast as he could, his eyes fighting the prick of the rain droplets, his body ignoring the cold. He was driven by a force so strong that he could barely think. He ran, ran and ran.

Atop the mountain, against the backdrop the sky, with the sun’s golden gleams penetrating the clouds from a horizon instilling magnanimity, he saw her. A silhouette elegant enough to dim the surrounding ethos. She was looking at him, her eyes gentle and happy, as he ascended the slope. Her voice was full of love, a force he has never experienced before, the power of which made him move the mountain, defy the nature. He climbed the mountain, ignoring his own panting and the bruises from the boulders. A glance of that woman, that’s all he yearned for.

The love was powerful.

As he approached the mountain top, his heart started pounding louder than the thunder that frightened the valley. Slowly, her face became clear to his longing eyes, and he couldn’t help but smile. It was as if his heart was going to explode.

Their eyes met. Ah! the feeling. This must be what heaven feels like. They walked towards each other. They came closer and closer. Then they kissed.

This feeling…

I remember when I first laid eyes on you. You had that serious look on your face and instantly I thought, this one is going to be interesting. You spoke with passion and was adamant, straight forward, standing to your point eloquently. I found you intimidating and attractive at the same time. I started noticing you from the corner of my eyes, always trying not to meet your eyes. With my demure nature, being caught looking at you was my worse nightmare, so for you, maybe, I might be the most disinteresting person ever.

As times passed I occasionally saw you, sometimes alone, at other times with your friends. I have never been able to speak to you properly. The one time we spoke, we were with our colleagues. I still recall that conversation we had and thinks of things I could have spoken better. All we exchanged were a few words and I could not speak anything properly.

At first, I thought you were just one of the many people I get attracted to. But a long time has lapsed and you still come to my mind sometimes. In every person I meet, I look for you, which is kind of an involuntary action.

I know one thing for sure. I would never be able to speak to you. I know you very little and may be this just a momentary feeling that is kind of persisting still. If the universe decides, I guess one day you will come to me or else this feeling would fade away, whatever this feeling is.

My Dad

Warm, always encouraging and appreciating…

You have always surprised me Dad!

I danced and sang to you

You smiled and clapped your hands.

I played pranks and did stupid things

You nodded your head and pretended not to see.

You never said no to me.

You have always been there for me.

Now that I am away from you

I realize how much I miss you.

There is this big void in my heart

Which only gets filled when I see you.

I love you Dad!

I wish I could come home.

Marks

All her life she has dwelled with fear

Fear of marks!

Since childhood each exam she faced

Her mom taught her to score well.

When the child saw the change

That marks brought to her life

She thought, or rather started believing

That life is governed by marks.

She was a topper in school,

And so was she popular.

But somewhere along the lane of life

She lost touch.

Marks doesn’t make her study anymore.

She scores very less

Her ranks sucks.

These are the kind of days,

She never thought as a child

Would ever happen in her life.

She slowly started blaming herself

Made bad life choices

Plunging herself into an abyss

Of uncertainty and desperation.

Will she lift herself up?

I guess only God would know.

Heart thumps

My heart thumps,

At the sight of the setting sun,

At the flock of birds,

retreating to their home sweet home.

It thumps more when,

the first glimpse of Venus is seen

Near the half moon,

Shining with its cold rays.

I am at this phase,

where I search for happiness,

in the little things,

for the big things intimidate me,

makes me run away.

Then my heart thumps,

but with fear,

I run, taking long breaths

But the air doesn’t seem enough.

Then I cry.

I decided to trash pessimism

I am a very pessimistic person. Or I used to be. But recently a revelation has come to my mind. There is no point in pessimism other than that it stresses you out thus reducing your productivity. You got to do what you got to do whether you like it or not. Negative thoughts are just a hindrance that acts like a chain condemning you to bondage of mind.

So I decided to make some changes in my lifestyle. The first thing I did was to take an evening stroll ALONE. Now why is this a big thing, you may ask. Well, earlier I used to wait for someone to accompany me or else I wouldn’t and then sulk to myself. But once I took the stroll alone, I realized how much I love my own company.

I watched the sky changing its hues and shades, then the night sky lighting with the moon and stars. The gentle breeze brushed through my hair locks. And I walked listening to “Dance Monkey” in my ear phone, sometimes moving to its tone when no one was around.

The next thing I did was to start reading. I mean I used to read a lot, especially fiction. But nowadays all I could read was text books and news. I became aware how much I miss the abstract aesthetic words that blow one’s mind allowing you to travel in uncanny directions. I started with William Blake’s Auguries of Innocence and it just made me happy.

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour

Next what I want to change but hasn’t been able to is to discipline myself for effective time management. I often get lost in YouTube, Facebook and Instagram like many of you. There is nothing much I gain from them except for some news, trolls etc. Other than that all there is to it are people posting how happy they are and they getting married.

Once I have mastered this I will definitely update here.

Gearing up for the challenge…

Life is tough

Toughness is relative. For a person who was pampered by her parents all her life, going away from home and getting higher education with a bunch of strangers from all over the country is the toughest thing ever to do. And yeah, I am that person.

Life keeps throwing at me puzzles that it expects me solve, God knows why!. The first half of the day may be joyful and the next half a living hell  which makes me question my life choices. And it seems everyone is going through something or the other.

So now I am trying to make some sense of what is happening to me. One of the good things that happened to me is becoming part of the college dance crew. I am pretty proud of that. But then I suck at academics which is ironic because I know things, I understand most of it and yet never score in exams. And for those of you who claim marks doesn’t matter, let me tell you something. If I don’t pass the threshold in three consecutive terms, I will be kicked out of college. Terrifying enough?

The nights are becoming colder as January progresses with uncertainty being the only thing certain around here along with a pinch of frightful harbingers. A smile a day sometimes makes me worried of an impending doom. It makes me wonder, is this how we should be living our life? Am I doing it all wrong?

Something to think about

I was reading Bhagavad-Gita today. In one of the chapters Arjuna asks Lord Krishna about spirit and matter. Given below is the answer Krishna gives him (exactly as given in the text):

“What is called Matter, of what it is composed, whence it came, and why it changes, what the Self is, and what Its power – this I will now briefly set forth.

Seers have sung of It in various ways, in many hymns and sacred Vedic songs, weighty in thought and convincing in argument.

The five great fundamentals (earth, fire, air, water and ether), personality, intellect, the mysterious life force, the ten organs of perception and action, the mind and the five domains of sensation;

Desire, aversion, pleasure, pain, sympathy, vitality and the persistent clinging to life, these are in brief the constituents of changing Matter.

Humility, sincerity, harmlessness, forgiveness, rectitude, service of the Master, purity, steadfastness, self-control;

Renunciation of the delights of sense, absence of pride, right understanding of the painful problem of birth and death, of age and sickness;

Indifference, non-attachment to sex, progeny or home, equanimity in good fortune and in bad;

Unswerving devotion to Me, by concentration on Me and Me alone, a love for solitude, indifference to social life;

Constant yearning for the knowledge of Self, and pondering over the lessons of the great Truth – this is Wisdom, all else ignorance.”

Think about it.

Her vague dream…

The nature fascinated her. The mountains, trees and streams, the ever changing hues and shades, always mesmerized her. But once the moment passes, the cloud of gloom hovers over her, creating a mist of uncertainty and confusion and she stumbled alone, not knowing what to do.See the source image

She wanted to fly, through the floating clouds, past the flock of birds, above the soaring eagle in its might. Her ambition was as unconventional as she was and as vague as a foggy night. Hence the universe did not know what to do for her. So it just abandoned her.

And she was left alone, to figure out her world. She struggled, fell, but she got up each time. Sometimes she wondered why is it that she wanted to fly. Is that even worth it when all she gets are pity faces and failures?

But there is no going back now, she thought. For she already invested too much for her vague dream, at the cost of being away from her loved ones and that broke her heart each night before going to sleep.

Each time she climbed the mountain thinking she would take off to the sky this time, her wings were too small to keep her in the air. The air did not flow in her favour and she fell down to the ground.

The monotony and loneliness of life accompanied by hopelessness tried to pull her down. But she got up, somehow, for her vague dream, which she believed, would manifest before her one day. Her belief in the magic of life is what keeps her together. Even though a heavy heart throbs within her, it is the magic that keeps her alive.

She is still waiting for her day to come….

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